where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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