it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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