All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
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and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
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Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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