I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
