True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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