you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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