Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
