If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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