He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just want nice things and good sex
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
