So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
