just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
