I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm always down for nudity.
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