If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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