You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
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I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
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You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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