Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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