Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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