So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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