If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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