I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
