walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
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He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dear god my vagina.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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