For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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