i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
