his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
