So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
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No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
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My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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