We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize