Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
