You can't special order awesome
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
