I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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