All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
