i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
