And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
