I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
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He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
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I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize