How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
