omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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