She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
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He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
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Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize