The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
