I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
