Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize