I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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