1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
