mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
