im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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