then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
