I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
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I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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