i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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