my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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