so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
This is the prime rib incident all over again
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
