Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
