I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
