I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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