I puked a lego.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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