i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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