I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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