If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
