Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
