he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
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