fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
