how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
They took my balls.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
