I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
