After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
