Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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