K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
People in love make me want to vomit
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
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you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
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How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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