watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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