Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
