theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
