Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize