I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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