when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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